Weeks Eighteen and Nineteen: January 17th to 30th

I was pondering the queries of anyone who stumbles upon this site out there. Now that seemingly everything is connected in microseconds, there is no hiding anything launched into the web that is e-communication. Based on some recent news events, I am sure some folks would wish that not to be the case.

I could imagine someone finding this blog and wondering: "Why does this guy insist on taking close-ups of his face? It's not like he's a good-looking dude..." or "What's with this dude, does he want to be an actor or something?" Then, for the few who might actually read the accompanying text, one can only imagine speculations about me and what kinds of screws rattling loose in my upper region.

No matter: as the beard grows, so does its notoriety. People who have seen me nearly every day of its growth now feel free to comment on it, often with inquiries about how long I plan to keep this up. Though a mostly innocent question, I love the facial expressions with which they deliver it, and revel in the fact that most people make no attempt to control their looks of disgust. Even my students ask, "Um, when are you going to cut it again? It's too big!" Every once in a while one of them pokes a finger into my chin or jaw and then removes it to tell a friend, with shock, "Whoa--it's thick!" One Fifth Grader who hadn't seen me in a couple of weeks (they are in the opposite wing of our school) stopped dead in the middle of the hall yesterday and said, "Oh, NICE beard!" Why thank you; I agree.

Weeks Sixteen and Seventeen: January 3rd to 16th

Normally, I would not even consider naming a beard--that look of rugged manliness--anything close to something my own daughters, those local supporters of anything and everything princess, would say. But, this name did not come from my daughters. For some strange reason, this was the first time many people at school, and ion public, took notice of the beard for its length and proportions. Perhaps it may not have been all that strange after all, considering I finally decided to comb out the chin-locks and let the hairs fly in their non-pillow-pressed form.

What resulted was a tumult of comment and inquiry like so little that preceded it. One of my former students, now a Fifth Grader, should get the full credit for the name, as she came to visit one morning and talked to me for a few minutes before glancing at it and stopping mid-sentence to say, "Wait, what happened to your beard? Why's it so fluffy?" This was among the most popular question of the past two weeks. But a great many people praised the sheer magnitude of that hair which I had previously tucked under my jaw, saying things such as, "I like the new look," and, "It suits you," not to mention, "Yeah, my husband tried to grow one and it never fills in...it's too patchy." The things you learn about spouses, and people, through facial hair history or quite interesting.

Frankly, the hair reaching back, ivy-style, and clamping at my earlobe, and the hairs trailing down my neck to scratch near my jugular had been driving me a bit crazy for a little while. So, after the shower one evening, when I had a brief moment of let's-shave-this-sucker panic, I combed it out. Sure, some tears sprang to my eyes in that involuntary way, such as when you pluck a nose hair (not, of course, that any of you would know anything about that...) but the relief of the smooth, flowing facial locks was quite a sight to behold.

What adventures the beard will encounter in the coming weeks remains to be seen. Our school nurse got a glimpse of it this week and inquired, "Whoa, what's goin' on with that beard, Abe Lincoln?" Oh yeah, mission accomplished!

Weeks Fourteen and Fifteen: December 20th to January 2nd

Ah, those fortunate few students who were present right until the bell on the afternoon of December 22nd--the last full day before the extended Winter Break--they were the only ones to glimpse this epic in the making. For this photo, I combed-out the hair that had been tucked under my chin for weeks, surprising even myself. Those students, both of them, present to witness the spectacle were on the verge of lack of speech, which is saying something for a Second Grader who has only days of free time spreading out before him until the New Year.

I had to savor my glory while it lasted. My parents had been raving about my brother's face-mane for weeks, and in that way in which only hopeful mothers may rave: "Oh, I do hope you boys will shave before we do family photos at Christmas. Of course, she knows both of us well enough to be sure that saying something like that is the only sure way to have the near-twin manes appear in all Christmas photos.

Since I do not get to see my brother very often--he, like my parents, lives in New Hampshire--I had no idea what to expect. I hoped only to capture a photo of Brothers in Beards while we visited. Time will tell...

Week Thirteen: December 13th to 19th

In order to take flight, one needs some sort wing wing-like device or Da Vinci-esque apparatus. Due to my commitment to bearding excellence, and the recent push to ever-increasing facial hair lengths over the quest to win style points, I happily discovered this week's creation: "Take Flight."

Had I not allowed my facial mane to grow to such an extent, curling slightly under the jaw, I would not have happened upon a great hirsute accident. No doubt owing to my hard-sleeping patterns--I often press my pillow so hard with my face that the pillow creases do not shake from my skin until nearly three hours later (though maybe that has something to do with my older face...)--I often awaken with some strange snarls in the chin and jaw region. One day I spied what appeared to be wings on one side of my face, surprising myself with the fact that the hairs curling under my lower mandible had grown to such lengths without my knowledge. Surprising when you consider that my students give me a hard time because, as they say, "you are always playing with your beard."

Back when I was in late elementary school and early middle school, in the time when it was a proven fact that my mother did not relish getting us haircuts of any kind, my hair grew so far down the sides of my head that my slightly-poking out ears forced that hair out and away in the manner of wings. Though I did not approve of the look at the time--even a few years later, after discovering the fastest-talking mumble-barber in town who could shave a nice high-and-tight, I called that winged hairdo my Planet of the Apes look--I now celebrate it any time I see old photos of myself. My brother with the Dutch-Boy bowl-cut and I with my premature mop-top, finely parted down the middle. Who knew what our bearding future held?

Regardless, the wing on the side of my face that fateful morning prompted some facial mashing and beard-tugging to see if I could match it with a symmetrical design. Lo and behold, I could. And so we have the chance, at last, to Take Flight.

Week Twelve: December 6th to 12th

Pre-Week: Well, there really was no pre-week on this one because, as those few loyal followers out there may have noticed, it has been several weeks since I put The Mandible out there for public consumption. What followed was a "(blank)-it-all" week or so of anger and frustration during which I wanted to do little more than be angry. So, for those few of you who turn to this page for enjoyment, I apologize for the delay. Sadly, none of this anger stemmed from beard-related issues...if only!

If you followed The Beard Blog last year (so, three of you) then you'll recall I had a few weeks during the Spring when I let the beard go all kinds of backwoods mountain man and then followed with a beard called "National Beard Certification." That was all as I was completing a year-plus long project for National Board Certification for Teaching. It is a ridiculously long, time-intensive, life-encompassing process that allows you to do little else, especially if you are as obsessive about such achievement-oriented things as I am. I will not bore you with the details of the life-consumption of this process; suffice it to say, even with all that in mind, you know you are facing a somewhat-losing prospect, as about 40% of first-time candidates achieve certification. (And, very few people in the teaching profession even attempt it, so those committed enough to attempt it would surely be crushed by disappointment if they put in all the work and did not achieve it.)

As you may have guessed, I did not manage to make it. So, the day after conferences, I find my self in the troubling position of dealing with unbound anger, mostly at myself, and still the expectation that I teach Second Graders with happiness and patience. Somehow I managed that much--it wasn't their fault, after all.

So, long story short, I took some time away from this Blog, and all extraneous things, and sifted through the rage, only to return, because what better diversion than continuing to cultivate a flowing mane of facial hair? Stay tuned in week's to come...there will be changes!

Week Eleven: November 15th to 21st

Pre-Week: What better way to kick-off the Parent-Teacher Conference week than with a strong showing like The Mandible? This joint-contrivance between the husband and wife team who reside in our domicile will surely provide many discussion points, and no small measure of distraction during our frank discussions later this week.

I already have some heavy competition for next week's entry--perhaps not surprisingly, considering the proximity to Thanksgiving--but feel free to attack the post and my e-mail inbox (or even text messaging, for those precious few to know my cell phone number.) The deadline for next week's voting is Sunday, November 21st at 4 PM. See you out there!

Week in Review: Not much to report from the kids on this one, though they do enjoy making weekly recommendations for new animals and designs. Many former students, the alumni of last year's Beard Blog edition, return to my room before school at least once a week to check on the progress of my facial hair. Must make the teacher feel good to know he is contributing something to the interest of students at his school....

Week Ten: November 8th to 14th

Pre-Week: This week's entry, suggested by my friend Matt from Utah, is an homage to the somewhat-fallen Red Sox hero, Big Papi. Of course, many people will notice a slight difference over which I have little control, but I still find this representation to be fairly accurate. Not only that, but I get to spend the first two days of the week at a conference for teachers from around the state. Maybe they'll ask me to jump in the batting cage and drop some dingers on the hotel lobby.

Get your vote in for next week by Sunday, November 14th at 4:00 PM. Bonus: I have Parent-Teacher Conferences this week. I would ask you to be kind in your selections, but I believe that may fall on deaf ears. Have at it!

Week In Review: Perhaps because I was not wearing the Sox hat, few recognized my uncanny resemblance to the Papi himself. I wanted to step into the cage and launch a few PED-free bombs over the imaginary Green Monster just to show them what was what. No such luck, as I live nowhere near Fenway Park and would not be allowed on the field, with that horrible Babe Ruth baseball season to my credit. (For those whose ears the legend has not reached, I once trumped all comers--except two others on my own team--with what must have been a then-league record thirteen whiffs. I was Mark Reynolds before it was in vogue; which, presumably, would make my compatriots Ryan Howard and Adam Dunn: we three with none of their power but all of their big-swinging style.)

Still, this beard celebrated the re-upping of Ortiz with the Sox, just shortly before its facial incarnation. Good timing. Now, to work on my swing....