Week Thirty-Two: April 12th

In the time before hundreds of channels devoted almost entirely to cartoons, when cartoons ran on regular, episodic loops with mostly G-rated content, there was the classic cartoon villain.

You know him because he usually kidnapped some hapless damsel and lashed her to the always-handy train tracks. The derivation of these from the days of black and white movies and Buster Keaton's handiwork is evident.

Those villains would never fly nowadays, and not the least of which because almost all cartoons are cast in the mold of The Simpsons, with humor split on two levels, including numerous pop-culture references and vocal and visual candy for the parents who would "never" watch cartoons alongside their children (but probably should, based on the content of said cartoons.)

Really, there is no reason for adults to claim they know nothing of cartoons during this day and age. With networks like Adult Swim and its flagship Venture Brothers, and the success of Robot Chicken on the web, people over the age of eighteen are obviously tuning in. Give up and admit it!

My Cartoon Villain is nothing like the caricatures they pass off as villains these days. Modern day villains actually have a snarky chance for semi-success. Old-time, railroad-tying villains never stood a chance. Even the most bumbling of cartoon anti-heroes (cut from the Goofy cloth) could easily disrupt the plans of those old villains and still have time to make a sandwich, fall down a hole and still arrive home in time for dinner.

The serial incompetence of those old-time villains was what made the cartons so good. The message was all-too-clear: all bad guys were idiots. Now, kids aren't so sure.