Week Ten: October 26th

The beauty of "Letting It Go" was that a few people finally noticed I was growing something! In the photo, you can see the full shag overtaking the chin area, making it look like I concluded a major pub crawl and returned several dozen (pounds) the worse for wear. Maybe the camera adds ten pounds, but this beard appeared to add at least that many. I am almost tempted to ditch the whole jaw-yard and start fresh, just so I can remember I have skin under there somewhere.

Then again, what would be the fun in that?

One of my female students (most of the "girls" to whom I refer in these posts are actually the same girl) snapped off the zing on Monday morning as she looked in disgust at my chin and asked, "So, what, you are actually trying to grow a beard now?" Now, why would I do that? That just feels so...normal.

At some point, I will go with the full facial shag, but that feels more winter-appropriate. The weather here is still changing far too much to head (or chin, as it may be) in that direction just yet.

Then again, maybe getting rid of it all isn't such a bad idea. We have had so much rain in the past two weeks (concluding with several inches yesterday) that my chin might follow our basement in the mold and mildew-growing contest. Our river valley abode is already moist enough, and our house perpetually smells like a confluence of basement and garage, that I need not add to that insulting olfactory cornucopia with chin, lip and jaw emanations.

Week Nine: October 19th

A scary look, to be sure, though not nearly as scary in the application. I took one look at the picture and toyed with the idea of calling this "The Meph," but feared the repercussions from untold Internet viewings and sharings. People would begin to add up the accoutrement of my daily existence...(1) strange-looking guy, (2) strange-looking facial hair, (3) something not right in his cranial region, (4) enjoys dressing-up, but (5) somehow, not gay and, (6) anniversary near/on Halloween...he must be in a coven! At the very least he must practice the arts of a Wicca, those in the field of witchcraft, as they walk among us! How could we know?

Let's all relax. I brew no potions at home and, though I have been known to drink the occasional brew in my time, most of those days have long since passed. Plus, those brews never came from cauldrons, though there were many late nights all those years ago, and who knows from what vessels I actually consumed said brew. But that is another story.

Again, I needed a bridging beard between two looks: the former,The Trident, and the latter, the special Halloween facial concoction still in the making. As expected, The Point drew few comments, save one disgusted sneer from a student of mine who said, "Ech, what is that supposed to be now?"

So, though I did find myself tugging mercilessly on my chin all week, to keep the point sharp, I found little other need for explanation. If not mysterious, what was Meph?

Week Eight: October 12th

Keeping with the nautical theme established by last week's Stingray, I plumbed the watery depths in search of the bearded lord of the seas: Poseidon. Though The Trident did not gain as much notice as The Stingray--after all, the triple tines of a trident are not nearly as exciting as the barbed tail of the stingray--this look did gain notice in other ways.

Mostly, people noticed it for the small tuft of hair on my upper lip which, due to a shaving accident, came out off-center and lopsided (longer on one side than the other.) So, aside from receiving many Hitler-related comments about the mini-'stache, no one said much of anything about The Trident. Sad that the 'stache got so many nods when I only left it because I realized the sides would be taller than the middle tine without it. Curse these concept beards!

On the bright side, I did manage to secure a large number of skeptical glances from parents on Thursday night when I did a storytelling for a group of Kindergartners. Though the kids enjoyed the rhyming shenanigans, the parents held those kids close, as though there was something to fear. And that was even after I was introduced as a teacher in their district.

The following night, it came full circle as I began my yearly Halloween shows at the zoo. With this year's theme being of the pirate persuasion, this facial 'do suited that venue just fine. So, while I may look like a degenerate wannabe biker, the folks who see me pretending to be an incompetent pirate (and shush to those of you saying I should not have a difficult time being an incompetent anything) think it's just fine. We'll see what I can whip up next week, as I have something in mind for my Halloween costume and I need a solid bridging beard.

Week Seven: October 5th

"Oh my God, he's crazy!"

Over the years, I have heard this phrase more than a few times, mostly from adults or adolescents. I especially hear it when doing shows at the zoo at Halloween. Rarely do I hear it from one of my students.

Monday morning, in the classroom debut of "The Stingray," a nod to our younger daughter (Adelai) and her favorite animal, we sat down in front of the classroom to do a read-aloud. Of late, this has become our routine, as has the Monday status-check on the beard.

It was clear the students were confused this time, as they could not ascertain the meaning of the wide hair-spread on the chin. One girls swooped in to save the day, noting, "Mr. Chisholm, um, you missed a spot of hair under your neck there."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. It's right there."

"No, that's the Stingray's tail."

That drew some collective murmurs and more confusion. So, like a good teacher, I pointed out the stingray's head, above my upper lip; his wings, splayed out to the sides of my cheeks and jaw; his tail, running in a narrow band along my throat and Adam's Apple; and his stinger, jutting off to the side of my neck in not-so-menacing fashion.

The more I pointed out, the more the kids' eyes goggled. Was I a person who actually thought these things through before doing them? The wheels were spinning: You mean he does these things on purpose? After a moment of silence, they all looked around to see who would speak first.

One rather quiet girl near the back of the group, whose lip already had curled back in semi-disgust, turned to her nearest neighbor and, in a desperate whisper of realization uttered those words, perhaps for the first time: "Oh my God, he's crazy!"

I don't know how many of them heard her, but a few seconds later the assembled group erupted into simultaneous discussion--everyone talking and no one really listening. The flood of surprise and words gushed through the Monday morning calm, and I simply opened the book and began reading aloud.

Week Six: September 28th

Maybe everyone has those weeks when you are angry at everything--you are the embodiment of Anakin Skywalker's inner conflict and Harry Potter's (book five) rip-off of the same. While general rules of decorum would prevent any rational person from taking this seemingly inexplicable anger sessions out on anyone and everyone around, there are always subtle jabs you can make at the establishment.

For me, it was this look, which I called "The Middle Finger."

Flipping the bird at everything in the form of facial hair may not seem like much, but it helped me. It was one of those head-clearing, get-over-it weeks that get you past those Anakin phases, and it worked.

As a bonus, Adelai (our younger daughter) entered the bathroom as I was shaving, and I smiled at her during the blade's downstroke to the right of my mouth. Since my mouth purses at the corner during a smile, I sliced right through the pursed skin and blood cascaded down my face. The only thing to do was await the scabbing and, of course, capture it on film. Personally, I found the toughness this lent to the overall look a nod to its credibility in general.

As for comments, my father was not so sure about the little 'stache, and likened it to a certain former German dictator. All of my students were a bit puzzled, or all but one girl who told me, "Oh. No, you have GOT to get rid of that little mustache-thing." Maybe next week.